love etc.

"I am driven by inconsolable rage. well, some whiskey might help, but otherwise my rage is inconsolable"

I have no ambition. no drive to anything specific. i can follow an ant for 20 minutes on a summers day and cry after i kill him. ambition makes you ugly. and my friend promises me stuff while he is drunk then he bails. it hurts my feelings on sector 2-3 and 4ax. I am annoyed that i am still alive. it annoys me sometimes. i wish there was a big world war. then i would sign up. like in the movies. in hope of dying gloriously on the battlefield.

i have no respect for my emotions.
they are like drunk girls.

Electric.

Lifelike – So Electric

Eclectic. Sub-culture locks.
The end of those sad movies we used to watch.
Anti-septic. You love. She fucks.
Euphoric lust.
"this rare mineral, only found on earth, it is called: rust"

i bore myself to death.
i shock myself back to life, only to discover, oh yeah, that's why i died in the first place.


Zombie attack.
I have so much hate to give.
i have so much hate to give.....

I am not paralized by apathy.
I just love to be paralized.
I refuse to ad-her to pre-packaged dreams.
these Industrial social complex schemes........

i almost got run over by a car today.
it was so much fun. my life did not flash before my eyes.
i just thought of her. it was weird. these small moments of humanity. tiny, tiny small moments,


I wonder if most stuff is cry for help stuff.
i would call it cry for lust.
help sounds boring.
like when you wanna get up from the toilet and you can't, cause you be 90 and broken and stuff.

i think this is a cry for lust....

I want to move to England.

Sammanhang och fitta.

Lycka är överskattad.

Vänskap är trist.
Insikt i vod-ka är ful.
men kom-igen, världen är tjock.
att falla är så mycket kul.
kom. snälla. kom.


hur tänker du nu?
Vila i hennes famn.
kärlek. kaffe. kramp.
En osynlig chans. De duktigaste har ingen skam.

Betyg.

Trist-heten är i att formulera sig exakt. som på en graf.
Här är falsk. här är du. känner du? det blir kallt.
Hennes läppar smakar salt. Det blir minus 30- och

det finns något så skönt i att ramla från en grön cykel, man tappar kontroll.
respekt, åsiktsfrihet, att inte slå kvinnor, att inte slänga batterier i soporna. att inte, att inte. man flyger.
och kontakt. med marken. ansiktet först. det är underbart. det är så ärlig.
vid kontakt, alla känslor är så ärliga. Inga mellan-händer. rädsla, smärta, förvvirring, hjälplöshet.


Paus.
du är för hårt.
du gör mig onödigt svårt.
okej. jag ska fatta mig kort.

"kvarteret är tom på människor och känslor, ingen rörelse någonstans...."

det är ganska orelevant om jag mår dåligt eller bra.
jag har svårt att ta nån känsla på allvar.



sammanhang. fitta.
Blåbärs-saft. "din svenska lärare är kall"


jag hatar att alla vet vad som gör dem glada och får dem att må bra.
men att de gör andra saker istället.
alla har tankar, hjärna, intelligens, förmåga, men ändå så låter de, den minsta gemensamma nämnaren för rädsla, feghet, osäkerhet styra allt. och de ljusa, och fina, hänger vi högt.

Jag mår.
Jag är nöjd med det.
Ser så många som inte ens kan det.

Contact.

I used to feel


the trouble with balance is the absence of lust.
the trouble with lust is the absence of trust.

again.

I just remembered how fun it is to destroy.


As long as you are interesting, nothing bad will ever happen to you.
they will all....take care of you.
with open arms.

because. the world is so boring and flat.

I, just want to feel.... until i go down.............

Crime.

Precedent.

"lock on target"
Revenge systems are all fine.
locking on target, initiate revenge pattern alpha omega,
prepare to fire, once he crosses that....line.

We will never have to pay for our crimes.
Killing time.


Boring people are like getting rain in your shoes.
that chup chup sound as you walk.
that cold feeling that creeps up your spine.
they all work on your sense of love.
they prey on your sense of crime.

"they are just hollow shells, without you around......."

when ugly people get angry.

with great intellect comes the inability to enjoy simple things.....correction...to enjoy certain things.

with great intellect comes the constant worry and computation that there is a better state of mind,
a more precise, one more free of contradiction, idiocy, etc. with great intellect comes the inability to allow oneself to be stupid and random.

people with great intellect are pathetic.
i rather spend time with a dog.

at least stupid people can have moments of clarity here and there.
but the intellectual is so addicted to being intellectual that everything going through him/her must have the stamp of "bright" "clever" "profound" ....deep.



It's kind of nice to within the span of 3-4 four days to subject oneself to so much humanity.
when sunday comes you get a vague sense of who you don't want to be like, and who inspired you.

the intellect makes the women ugly, it makes the man boring and it makes the child annoying.

Fear of error is what makes a person boring.

I am jack's total sense of stupidity.


"the stench of ambition was all around her, like a parasitic weed intertwined with her humanity..."(me)

"of course...this is all academic."

"sit down Gerard, there is no hurry..."

"but sir, my potential, and according to the newest wire from the east Indies, life is a challenge"


fuck you.

I whine and complain when asked "mommy and daddy"... about my humble origins.
but whenever i meet academic people and their kids i realize how much more free a humble origin is,
the pleasure of discovering on your own, and there is no pressure "to achieve", achievement beyond its practical use is ornamental rather then essential. but you can see it in academic families, for them it seems like potential and its fulfillment is a duty and not a choice.

i like tomatoes. coffee that tastes like almonds and i like to dance.

i can enjoy other peoples pain.

the only way to attack people is to subscribe to them a lesser worth then they themselves think they have.
it is usually irrelevant if the "worth" concept in itself is completely bullshit. no one thinks in abstracts. so they won't notice.

i hate girls who won't sit down and finish a conversation they are about to loose.